Lucio was not impressed with his indictment. Note: Yet another post not to be taken too seriously. The Trial of the Mano Five 7/26/2011 São Paulo, Brasil Special to the Brazil World Cup Blog ———————— The joint trial of Neymar, Pato, Ganso, Lucio, and Dani Alves concluded today. The five players known together as the “Mano Five” were given the chance to provide their own defense when called up to the stand. It is an open secret that the five are being tried in place of one Mano Menezes, the dastardly mastermind who engineered the shocking quarterfinal defeat to Paraguay in the Copa America earlier this month. While calls for his indictment were made in almost every quarter of the Internet, President Ricardo Teixeira declared that Menezes has complete immunity. “No one’s gonna lay a f***in’ finger on my Mano,” Teixeira growled, when asked for comment. In Mano’s absence, justice had no choice but to turn to the players for retribution. The five players who, fairly or unfairly, were most expected to deliver a Copa America trophy were duly indicted by the Grand Jury of Knee-Jerk Opinions. The following is a partial transcript of the charges and indictments against them, followed by excerpts from their defense. Dani Alves Charges of the indictment: Failure to deliver the performance expected of him, alleged to have abandoned all tactical discipline by ignoring the positioning required of a right-back, failure to attempt a single cross, alleged to have left his first touch in Barcelona, having a haircut unbecoming that of a grown man To these charges the defendant has pleaded NOT GUILTY. Summary of Direct Examination: DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Dani, could you please describe for the court your name and occupation. DANI ALVES: Sure. My name is Dani Alves, and I’m the best damn right back in the world thank you very much! DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Thank you. Dani, can you please describe your relationship with Mano Menezes. PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: Objection! Mano Menezes is not on trial here! JUDGE: Hmm. I’m going to allow it. Overruled. But you’re on a short leash, Counselor. DEFENSE ATTORNEY: I understand, Your Honor. Dani? Your relationship? DANI ALVES: My relationship? To be honest, there’s not much of one. He calls my name, I go on the pitch, the referee blows the whistle for time, and that’s it. DEFENSE ATTORNEY: So you never talk? He never tells you anything but whether you are to play or not? DANI ALVES: Not a thing. But why would he? What is there to talk about? DEFENSE ATTORNEY: No discussion of tactics? He never tells you, for example, to play differently for Brazil than you would for Barcelona? DANI ALVES: What are you implying? That I’m supposed to play differently for one or the other? DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Some say that you have to, considering that Brazil and Barcelona are not the same thing, neither in terms of history, style, personnel, time allowed to train… PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: Objection! Hearsay! JUDGE: Sustained. Watch yourself, Counselor. DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Dani, what is your feeling about crosses? DANI ALVES: Well, I’m not wild about them. I mean, I’m a Brazilian. I’d rather take on three defenders and dribble past every one of them. But I understand that sometimes you need to send in crosses. I’m actually rather good at it, when I try. That’s why I have so many assists for Barcelona. DEFENSE ATTORNEY: But some say…sorry Your Honor, but what if, hypothetically, I were to say that you never sent in a cross at the Copa America! DANI ALVES: Well, I figured, what was the point? There’s no one tall enough on the team to even collect a cross. Pato wasn’t going to do it. Neymar wasn’t going to do it. DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Thank you. Your witness. PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: Mr. Alves, you say that no one would have even been able to collect a cross even had bothered to attempt one. But isn’t it true that Pato scored on a cross sent in by Andre Santos? DANI ALVES: Ah…um…yeah, I think so. I didn’t play in the Ecuador match. So I wasn’t really paying attention. PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: Yet you know that it took place against Ecuador. DANI ALVES: Um…I think? That may have been what someone told me. Yes. PROSECUTING ATTORNEY: I see. Mr
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The Trial of the Mano Five
